I can’t sleep… to much on my mind….

I thought maybe if I write my thoughts out I can figure it out and finally go to sleep..

Well here it goes…

I realized… I am tired. I am tired of trying… I don’t stand my ground when we argue.. I just let it go. I don’t even try to resolve it… I used to feel that not resolving an argument and letting it go was the worst thing to do… I still believe that… but I am tired… 

I don’t want to do that any more… I don’t want to be tired and just let it go… I want to stand my ground…

I want to be the woMAN of the relationship… I want a traditional relationship… I don’t want to be the boss… that isn’t what I am saying…

I just want to wear the pants but you zip em up… I want to be your rock and protector and I want you to be my supporter and lover… 

I want you to be my emotion… and I your fists… I want to handle things for you…

I don’t want to be provided for… just supported and loved… 

I want you to bring the emotion out of me because I can’t do it myself…

I want you to be a girl… not a girl that is a hard ass… but a girl that shows me her emotions.. tells me what she is feeling and lets me protect her…

Let me protect you and your heart…

I want to be that strong figure next to you… the one that when people see know that I am your rock…

…

does this make any sense….

I told you before… I envy men… I want to be a man… so please… let me be the woMAN of our relationship…

I know… it hasn’t been long that we’ve been together.. and I already see you softening up… but this was just bothering me… 

I will… I will stand my ground and show you that I am the person that you can rely on to handle your shit… I will…

I figured it all out now… I just want you to rely on me and let me take care of you… All I ever want from you is for you to love me and support me…

I think I can go to sleep now :).